Determination and Keeping Austin Weird!

As soon as I start jogging, I realize that I see perpendicular lines and graphs in my vision.  Darn that Algebra class I'm taking.  It's not fun and these darn formulas are gonna be the death of me.  y=mx+b...y,x...x,y...find the slope....sheesh!  It's following me everywhere.

So I realized that I have such inspiration when I'm running, but I can't seem to bring it back long enough to get it in writing.  I've got stories of my own life, stories that my dreams would make, stories that I have ideas for...I can write the whole thing in my head, but still...I gotta find a way to bring it home.   All of it, not just part.

So I ran 4 miles today.  Okay, I had to walk some on that last mile, but it was worth it.  I pushed myself to that next level.  I think I was scared to at first, because now that I've set the bar at 4 miles, I have to maintain that.  I say "whatever" to the saying that tells you, "You don't HAVE to do anything" because I do.  I realized that runners have some sort of determination gene in them.  Is that even a real thing? I doubt it.  All I know is that running allows you to set your own limits, push yourself on your own time, and above all things, do what it takes to prove that you can do whatever you set your heart to.  Seriously! 

One realization I had was that I've always been a runner.  I have taken years off, but I remember jogging back in high school.  I do enjoy it.  I think I talked myself out of it for years, but getting back into it has me challenging myself to go further.  Running the 5K's and hopefully a 10K also gives back to whatever charity I'm running for.  That's always a good thing. 

In the spirit of keeping Austin weird...As I was running my second lap, I passed two guys who said hello to me.  Granted, this is after 10pm at night.  They seemed harmless, but...as I made my fourth lap, they were still in the same area.  Not moving, but kind of in the middle of nowhere just walking back and forth.  No idea what they were doing, but they did root me on.  One guy even put his hand out so I could give him 5 as I jogged past.  I wasn't going to leave him hanging, so I did.  I ran the fourth lap and then that was it for me. 

So now my next step is investigating just how to run a 10K.  Do I stop for water every so often?  Do I push myself through the entire thing?  Should I be focusing on a proper diet (because I'm not)?  For now, I'll just keep jogging and attempt to get to that 6 mile mark.  

I think I can.  I think I can.   

Put your behind in your past...

"It is what it is."  I really hate that phrase.  I can't remember the relation being made to something positive.  It's usually something bad that's already happened that you can't do anything about.  I suppose that really is all you can say when there's no other words, but there's just so much with this comment that tells me it could've been changed. 

When we make mistakes we try not to repeat those mistakes, right?  At least for the most part anyway.  What bugs me about people is when they chose not to learn from their mistakes.  Unfortunately this goes for many people.  Sometimes we choose the consequences over giving up the action.  We are, however, human.  I am human.

I started to think about writing my own history.  I think back to certain memories I've had that I don't want to forget.  I've made my mistakes, for sure, over my life (and continue to do so) but it's the path of life that gets us to where we are.  Living with regrets sucks so why do it.  Accept it and move on.  Even if you're living with regret now...is there anything you can do about it?   If so, do it.  If not, move on.  If it will take time, accept that and move on. 

As Timon and Pumbaa have stated so well,
Pumbaa: It's like my buddy Timon always says: you got to put your behind in your past.
Timon: No, no no. Amateur. Sit down before you hurt yourself. It's "You got to put your past behind you."

It Takes Time

So it's been a week since 9/11 and I began to think about those who lost someone in 9/11 and still hadn't found them a week later.  The unknown of where your friends or family are a week after a plane crashed into a building with so much damage, people killed or hurt, and people still missing...honestly, I can't imagine what that felt like. 

We are all so fragile and losing so much in an instant is still something we are unwilling to grasp.

I started thinking about the power of people in groups.  So many people gathered together at the 10 year anniversary of 9/11 and mourned together.  They were combined by a common tragedy.  Unfortunate, but something that you couldn't explain in words unless you had gone through it.  The word anniversary is usually associated with a celebration, like a birthday or a marriage.  I don't know that a negative image is what comes to mind at first thought. 

As I kept jogging, I began to keep pushing myself not to walk.  As my thoughts were along the lines of how the inner strength of people can be amazing, I told myself that I needed to push myself to the next level.  I want to jog a 10K, but I'm not ready.  All I'm doing is negating what I haven't done.  I push myself when I don't want to run anyore and get past that "I can't do it" moment.  Why can't I do that more often?  

I start to think about work.  I think about work way too much when I'm jogging, but I start to think about the stories patients have shared with me.  Some have lived far worse lives than I and have still managed to stay optimistic.  It really comes down to allowing time to heal wounds and grow from the mistakes made.  It takes time to move past things sometimes, but in doing so shows how life changes and you need to change with it.

What the heck?

So I went jogging in the morning (10'ish) last Sunday for about 40-45 minutes.  The next day I had a bit of a sunburn. Nothing hurt.  My face was just dry and slightly peeling.  I've always been a friend to the sun, so why does it do this to me?  I never have to wear sunscreen because my skin is always compatible with the sun.  ;-)  I've been lucky that way...up until now anyway.   Sun, you win! You're much more powerful than me and I've seen the damage you can do. 

So then I jog at night and although it's almost 11pm, I have shadows all around me.  (Sorry I'm jogging so late mom, but it's the only time that I can fit it into my schedule most days.)  Turns out those three shadows following me were my own.  It's still scary and left me only running two miles instead of three.

Not sure I can run a 10K next month, but I haven't given up on the idea yet.  I'm just hoping that I can at least do the 5K to be consistent with running Kelly's racewithadvocare.com.  I want to be a friend (and help myself in a good way of course) and support her just by being there and supporting what she does.  I do support it.  Heck, that's why I bought into her business and buy Spark all the time.  Thanks Kelly!

So...no more early morning running.  At night, I'm going to get myself pumped up to ignore the shadows and not feel so scared.  My heart is beating enough as it is.  (Mom, I'll try late evening as opposed to 11pm.)

Oh yeah, and I was stupid enough to try sprinting now and again.  That was so dumb, but I think I kinda liked it..  It wore me out and I for sure felt it the next morning.  Hhhmmmm, there might be something to this sprinting! 

Can't ride a bike...

No, that doesn't mean I don't know how, it just means I can't do it on a long term basis.  I don't understand how people can sit on a bike for so long with triathlons or bike outings or such.  My behind hurts after a few minutes on that, so I just don't get it.  When I'm jogging and I see them ride by in pairs or by themselves with their little "bike outfit" on (you know what I'm talking about), I can't help but wonder how long they've been riding and why I feel like I'm the only one with this problem.  Oh well.  I'll just keep jogging.

I don't know where everyone jogs, but I jog in my neighborhood and there are a few things I dislike about jogging.  1)  The uneven sidewalk that causes me (yes, it's the sidewalks fault) to almost sprain my ankle.  2) The bugs I almost step on or possums that I see running toward me that I keep thinking are cats.  It's only happened twice now, but it's a little freaky.  I really thought it was a cat and just glad it went into the gutter and the other one just kept chasing that cat around to the back of that house.  3) The tan lines my socks give me.  I guess I could just buy new socks that would help with this problem, but unless I'm willing to run in sandals, I think I'm going to have a little bit of this problem no matter what kind of socks I wear. 

What I love...When my legs are aching and I push myself to keep going no matter what.  After a while, the ache goes away and my body finally decides to agree with my jogging.  It's a great feeling to know that I didn't give up.  I'm just glad I'm running 5K's around my neighborhood.  I really want to get in shape and can't jog as often as I'd like, so I want to make the most of it when I can.  (It sounds a lot better to say I ran a 5K than "almost 4 miles".)   :D

9/11 starts the day...

So I start jogging and can't help but think of those who were affected by 9/11.  I think about what a patient of mine told me who was there.  He saw the plane hit and remembers the body parts that went flying as he and his family and friends just ran away once they were all together. 


I feel for the families who go home to a house  that used to feel more like home.  Maybe 10 years later things have been accepted to some degree.  I just don't understand how you do that.  How are you supposed to live and move on from a life that changed in just moments?  For those who lost children, brothers, sisters, wives, husbands, friends, pets, etc...it just takes away dreams and future memories.  Nobody asked them if it was okay.


What do you think about moments before you die?  What do you think about as you're dyiing because you know no one can get to you?  No one plans to die so what do you do, think, or say when that choice is taken from you?


As we've now lived a decade with this tragedy and tried to grow from it, we have to realize that life is more precious than we could ever admit or truly realize.  The saying, "Don't put off tomorrow what you can do today" should have more meaning.  If it doesn't, what kind of wake up call do you need?

Memories

I started thinking about random memories.  The time I ran away from school and ended up living with my principal for the summer.  His family was awesome and I even got to go to Michigan with them.  It was a drive from New Mexico that was just a really nice family experience.  I remember when I went water skiing for the first time.  I had a wedge the whole time, but I was half-standing and riding those skis, so I wasn’t about to move and risk falling.  I fared well enough and am glad to say I water skied!  

I’ve been snow skiing once and, yes, I stayed on the bunny hill the whole time.  I’m okay with that though because at least I learned how to do it in half a day to be on my own with my friends for the rest of it.  If only my ski pants hadn’t stopped falling down.  They were not mine and they were over my own pants, but someone thought I needed the “extra” wind breaker.  Oh well! I skied.  And falled! ;-)  Many times!

I started thinking about my best friend from kindergarten.  I wonder what Angelia is up to these days.  I saw her sister Renee in college at SWAU, but that’s the last time I saw a blast from my past.  I miss her, but it’s crazy to realize that I remember her from that long ago.  Talk about going way back.  I even remember our friend Angelo as well.  His dad owned a funeral home.  I wonder where life has taken my kindergarten friends.